Finding Balance as a Parent

4/27/2023

Actual photo of my messy work station as I write this.

If you are anything like me there are more balls in the air than you care to admit. From the first moment I open my eyes in the morning to the time I lay my head back down, I am running from one thing to the next with very little down time. Burnout is always just a short-step behind, and the requests keep on coming. So, how do we as parents get out of the "rat race" of work, emails to teachers, shopping trips, drop offs, and Zoom meetings? I can't say I have the answers, but I can ofter a few suggestions. (And maybe even commit to these myself.)

Sthira & Sukha

In yoga, the concepts of sthira and sukha provide consideration for the balance of "effort" and "ease" in our practice on the mat, and in life. Sthira which is a derivative for "steel" reflects the effort we put forth. Sukha is the more passive of the two denoting letting go and releasing effort. We can't have one without the other, and a balance of both is in our best interests. I think somewhere on a visceral level we know this. It's putting these principles into practice that proves challenging. As with most things, awareness is the first step to making change.

Baby Steps to Find Balance

Little tootsies!

Most babies don't just up and walk one day. There is a process of rolling over, creeping, crawling, and pulling up before the final when walking without holding on begins. To think that we can become aware of a problem, then change it instantly doesn't make much sense either. Here are a few steps to get you started. Think of this as gentle guidance from one parent to another.

Ask Yourself - Am I out of balance? If you consider this and realize you spend from 6AM to 9PM working and have little time for your family then chances are you are indeed out of balance. Of course, this is a relative question to you and one to answer honestly.
Where am I out of balance? Physical balance can be affected by the core, feet, hips, proprioception - really all sorts of things. Life balance can also be affected by a number of things. Write down the places in your life that do not feel balanced. Then ask yourself the next question.
Do I want to change? Deep down inside, do you want to change to find better balance? Just like a person who has developed a substance use disorder, often times the answer will be "no", and most of us will not be able to change long term as long as that question is a "no".
Why do I want to change? In marketing, the "why" is the most important question of all. Everything else can fall in place if you know your "why". Your answer to "why" in balancing your life can provide you with an intention that keeps you going when things get hard or you need to say "no" to an opportunity or project. Write it down. Post it where you often look - the mirror, dresser, coffee pot. Get to know it well. And change it when things shift.
Now what? Meditate. Yes, seriously. As you get quiet, the mind is going to get very busy. All those thoughts that pop up are keys to the distractions that affect balance. In yoga when we stray from the breath and our visual focus, we are more apt to wobble. Stay the path. Keep meditating and raise your awareness of thought patterns.
Practice As you get to know your thought patterns more, practice looking closely into those thought patterns. Perhaps you journal or vlog or blog or draw - whatever helps you visualize and consider what is coming up. This will be the key to unlock the door - and behind that door is your way out of damaging patterns and into more fulfilling patterns of thought.

Need an example? I am a very work-driven individual. In high school, I was an AP student who worked 2 jobs and wrote novels in my free time. Now I am a Mom of 3 with 3 jobs who writes novels in my free time. I don't watch TV. I rarely sit down to rest. And I work so much, I only see my family in passing. On my one day off a week, I clean the house, do laundry, scrub toilets, help with landscaping, and take yoga CE programs. I do.not.stop. How do I balance this out? I burn myself out, have to take emergency time off, spend a day or two in bed, then get right back into it again. My balancing practice would be to sit and meditate, listen to my mind activity, write down what popped up and then further write about these topics to get to the bottom of why I feel I need to work so hard. Get it?

Start today. Take 5 minutes to meditate and see what comes up. Let me know!

TAKE A CLASS WITH VALERIE

0 Comments